Mamils and legs

How many of us are reading the BBC story today and shaking our heads at just how relevant this is….?

Platinum Wiggle member. Overpriced bikes and cycle gear, GPS cycle computers, out on Saturday and Sunday huffing and puffing up big hills. All of the above.

But there’s a limit, a line I have not yet crossed. My legs. They’ve spent most of my life in trousers. There’s a reason for that: I’ll be honest, they’re not prizewinners. Unless that is, you’re giving out awards for the legs most likely to scare small children. My rapid growth as a child combined with my naturally lean physique also left me with bony knees and skinny legs.

And because these legs of mine have spent most of their life inside trousers, this has a knock-on effect on their colour. To describe them as white would be a compliment. Blue, bluish grey perhaps? However, I obviously do wear shorts in summer – especially on the bike. How do I dare expose these glow-in-the-dark swizzle sticks? Well, aside from the fact that whizzing past at 20mph means that most people will only see what looks like a white carbon downtube (part of the bike frame, in case you’re wondering) – but the other disguise I’m naturally afforded is the fur….my legs have sufficient natural foliage to provide what a horticulturalist might call ground-cover.

I fear that were I to remove this ground cover and to shave my legs as many cyclists do, the results would be akin to the sight of plucked chicken thighs.  Don’t get me wrong, I can understand why people do it – I had a sports massage earlier this year that was at times painful because of the extra friction caused by the hair on my legs. But to remove it is like shaving the hair off my head…to change who I am.  Perhaps if I get more serious about cycling I may reconsider, but for now, my furry legs define me.